Sunday, October 28, 2012

Post Baby

So, about 5 months ago I had a gorgeous little girl, a month before her due date.  She was a healthy almost 7 pounds and had no problems.  Except breastfeeding.  Because she was early she didn't want to nurse, she just wanted to sleep.  Since I have productions problems anyway from a reduction years ago, this didn't help.  I had to go on a medication that helps with production, but its side effect was weight gain.  Ugh.

Anyway, I only gained 13 pounds with the whole pregnancy.  I did get my sweet tooth back unfortunately, but it was late in the pregnancy when that happened so it didn't do too much damage. Within a couple weeks of having the baby, I lost 20 pounds and was incredibly happy.  But then I started the medication and immediately gained all of it back. :(

My baby will be six months is about a month and I am planning on weaning at that time and really buckle down to losing the weight, but in the mean time I am getting so sick and tired, literally and figuratively, of this load on me.

The downsides of pregnancy have stayed with me because of the weight.  I was wearing slip on shoes because I couldn't reach my feet over my belly while pregnant....and that has not gone away.  Trying to put on shoes that tie is an exercise, literally.  I am breathing hard by the time I get then on and done up.  I went into a store this weekend and tried to find a pair of jeans that fit to replace the stretch pants I wore while pregnant.  Three stores later, I left in humiliation.  No one carries my size.  I could have cried. 

So, I am starting to realize, I have to get started, even before I wean the baby.  I just can't deal with this any longer and the only way it is going to change is with me stating a goal and starting on it.

Here is my goal.  I want to lose 100 pounds in the next year.  By next Christmas I want to have 100 pounds gone.  I know it is a big goal and long term, so I am breaking it up into smaller goals.  My next smaller goal is to lose 45 pounds by spring.  I want to get family pictures done and I want to feel good in them.  45 pounds gets me back to pre baby and pre miscarriages.  Its is also what I weighed when I got married, so it will be nice to get back there. 

Isn't it funny how we connect those numbers on the scale to memories.  I know what I weighed when I got married, what I weighed with every child (I guess that one is no surprise since every appt they weigh you), I know what I weighed in high school, college etc.  I know what was my lowest and when, what was my highest and when.  I wish that number didn't effect me so much, but when you get to where I am right now, it really effects my day to day.  It isn't just a number on the scale.  It represents everything I can't do at this size.  I can't ride a rollercoaster.  Not that I would want to, but if I did, it wouldn't be an option.  I can't fly right now without some difficulty and asking for a belt extender.  I flew eight months pregnant and even though I had the reason of the baby, it was still embarrassing to have to ask for it.

I don't want to have that number dictate my life anymore.  I want to get to a weight where I don't have to think about the things I cannot do due to that number. 

Today is the first day.  My plan is to follow a restricted calories diet as well as carb cycling.  I have read Chris Powel's book, a fitness trainer who works with the super obese and has had great success.  I am planning on following his plan, modified somewhat until I finished breastfeeding.  It includes one cheat day, but with a caloric restriction that if I can follow it will allow me to occasionally have the foods I am missing without going overboard.  It includes workouts that I can fit into my day. 

I will try to keep this blog updated with my progress and let you all know how I am doing.